It's been a long time............

I'm sorry if there is anyone out there in internet land that may have been wondering why I haven't had anything to say for quite a while. Well, you see, I had this wonderful furry friend, Care Bear, who was a diabetic kitty. He was born here many years ago, and lived here with his two sisters. Unfortunately, he became very sick back towards the end of March. I thought he had a simple urinary tract infection, as diabetics are very prone to this. While a course of antibiotics seemed to put things right, once he came off them he got sick again. We extended his antibiotics, and he started feeling VERY well! But again, once he came off them he got sick yet again. This time, however, things really started looking bad, and so I had bloodwork drawn. It showed severe anemia, elevated liver enzymes, and severe pancreatitis. I knew that something horrible was going on, as he showed no signs at all of pancreatitis. The following week I had an ultrasound done on him, and while it did show a severely enlarged liver, they couldn't view his pancreas well. Much to my dismay, he slowly got worse and worse. I syringe fed him and gave him subq fluids to try and wait this out. But, on the evening of April 20th (a day I'll always remember!) he suddenly grew very worse. Within just 20 minutes he developed sudden heart failure and severe respiratory distress. I had no choice, I called my vet at his home and met him at the clinic. We decided that the best thing for Care Bear was to relieve him from his suffering. You've got to understand just how much I loved this dear kitty to know how deep my pain is, even still. He was just 10 years old, a young kitty by all rights...........and this just wasn't fair. God, how I miss my boy. It's been so hard for me, to have no schedule now for him, to have simply free time now. I wish, I pray, that he understand why I chose as I did. To see him so sick, and to know that there wasn't anything I could do to help him feel better, it literally shredded my heart to pieces. I'd have given anything to have "fixed" this. At least the last thing he felt was the kindness of my own hands, to hear only my voice as he passed from this world. Oh, how I hated to have to make that final decision for him. But.........life goes on. And, I can only hope that my life shall too go on. For now, everything has been put on hold while I try and manage this grief. If you've read this so far, I thank you.

Bless you, my dear little boy. I'll always miss you, and I hope that you can find it within your heart to forgive me of the choice I made for you. You touched my soul, dear Care Bear, and for that, I'll be ever eternally grateful. Rest well.