Goodbye Dear Cinnamon (05/23/94 - 07/16/09)

I made the decision to release Cinnamon from her frail sick body back on 07/16/09. She was diagnosed in March 08 with crf, very advanced, and the vet felt that we had a month, maybe two left to be together. Cinnamon, being a very strong spirited being, proved the vet wrong by living 16 months past diagnosis. Oh, if things had gone the way I had hoped though.......they didn't.

I’d like to tell her story here.

Her grandmother was either a stray or an abandoned kitty . She showed up here one day with one little calico kitten. I never had the chance to know her, I only found her after she had climbed into an old hollow tree in my yard and passed away, leaving this poor little kitten all alone in the world!

I tried to befriend the little kitten, and yes, at first she was very frightened by me (or people in general), but it only took a few days for her to warm up to humans. The kitten eventually grew up to be a gorgeous long-haired calico that I named Sunshine for all of the warm colors of her fur.

During the summer of 94 I was slowly getting all of the stray cats that live around here spayed/neutered, but Sunshine got pregnant before I got to her. I decided to let her have her kittens and planned on spaying her afterwards.

Sunshine gave birth to 4 kittens, 1 solid white, 1 white/tabby, and 2 white/orange. The white kitten died at just 2 days of age. We let Sunshine tend to the other three kittens out on our porch. She decided to move them one day and took the two orange/white kittens up into my attic (old house, bottom of some walls not closed). We only found them because they fell down into walls that were closed at the bottom, and my dog could hear they tiny little cries! I ripped out two different walls to rescue them. :)

Sadly, Sunshine was killed when the kittens were about 2 1/2 weeks old, so I had to hand raise them. The white/tabby became Care Bear, my huge boy. He eventually developed diabetes and I lost him 4 years ago to pancreatic cancer. The two white/orange became Cinnamon and Jasmine. Cinnamon was a short hair, Jasmine is long hair.

Cinnamon got sick back in March of last year and was diagnosed with chronic renal failure (crf). She also had IBD. At the time the vet felt that Cinnamon would have maybe a month, if lucky two to live. Little did she know!

Cinnamon made it 16 months! But, the crf continued it’s slow progression, and last week I could see that Cinnamon was declining too much. She had stopped eating (and fought with all her might syringe feeding), she drank and drank plenty of water yet her body failed to absord the sub-q fluids I’d give her, and she was seriously dehydrated. And….the final clue to me that it was her time was that she stopped purring.

I took her in to my vet on Thursday morning to assist her departure from this realm….hoping that she’d go peacefully. Unfortunately that wasn’t to be. The vet had a lot of difficulty in finding a good vein, and the whole time Cinnamon was thrashing her tail, howling and yowling, hissing and spitting at us! At some point a very small amount of the injection did go in, and she finally started relaxing a bit.

Oh, but the look in her eyes! Even though her body was physically ready to leave, her dear spirit wasn’t, and I could see her confusion and broken trust in her eyes. Even after the injection was given, Cinnamon continued to gasp for several moments……I know it was most likely just reflex breathing, but with every gasp my heart shattered over and over.

What I had hoped to be a peaceful graceful departure turned out to be a horrible event, for both me and her. I only hope that she knows I wanted to do what was best for her. It would have been unfair of me to ask her to continue on in her declining condition. She’d gone from 12 pounds to a mere 5 pounds, a skeleton of her former self. I wish I could go back and maybe change things for her……but what’s done is done. Now she is with her grandmom, mom, and brother, chasing butterflies and chomping Cat Chow by the pound. I wish I could get that final look she gave me out of my mind though. When I go to bed I see that look.

Jasmine also has crf, but it’s very early stage and she doesn’t have any other health condition right now complicating things. She’s grieving too I believe right now. Oftentimes she’ll wander around my house meowing loudly, going from room to room, looking all around, then she usually will go jump on my bed and curl up to take a nap. I’m trying to give her more special time, and she loves getting sub-q’s, so I really give her a “love” session while the fluids are running.

Anyway, sorry that this is long…and a bit rambled. If you feel so inclined I’d definitely appreciate it if you would light a candle for my dear Cinnamon…….and pray that she’s found the peace I was hoping for. I miss my girl so much. Thank you.

Rest in peace my sweet orange girl........til we meet again!