Goodbye Dear Cinnamon (05/23/94 - 07/16/09)

I made the decision to release Cinnamon from her frail sick body back on 07/16/09. She was diagnosed in March 08 with crf, very advanced, and the vet felt that we had a month, maybe two left to be together. Cinnamon, being a very strong spirited being, proved the vet wrong by living 16 months past diagnosis. Oh, if things had gone the way I had hoped though.......they didn't.

I’d like to tell her story here.

Her grandmother was either a stray or an abandoned kitty . She showed up here one day with one little calico kitten. I never had the chance to know her, I only found her after she had climbed into an old hollow tree in my yard and passed away, leaving this poor little kitten all alone in the world!

I tried to befriend the little kitten, and yes, at first she was very frightened by me (or people in general), but it only took a few days for her to warm up to humans. The kitten eventually grew up to be a gorgeous long-haired calico that I named Sunshine for all of the warm colors of her fur.

During the summer of 94 I was slowly getting all of the stray cats that live around here spayed/neutered, but Sunshine got pregnant before I got to her. I decided to let her have her kittens and planned on spaying her afterwards.

Sunshine gave birth to 4 kittens, 1 solid white, 1 white/tabby, and 2 white/orange. The white kitten died at just 2 days of age. We let Sunshine tend to the other three kittens out on our porch. She decided to move them one day and took the two orange/white kittens up into my attic (old house, bottom of some walls not closed). We only found them because they fell down into walls that were closed at the bottom, and my dog could hear they tiny little cries! I ripped out two different walls to rescue them. :)

Sadly, Sunshine was killed when the kittens were about 2 1/2 weeks old, so I had to hand raise them. The white/tabby became Care Bear, my huge boy. He eventually developed diabetes and I lost him 4 years ago to pancreatic cancer. The two white/orange became Cinnamon and Jasmine. Cinnamon was a short hair, Jasmine is long hair.

Cinnamon got sick back in March of last year and was diagnosed with chronic renal failure (crf). She also had IBD. At the time the vet felt that Cinnamon would have maybe a month, if lucky two to live. Little did she know!

Cinnamon made it 16 months! But, the crf continued it’s slow progression, and last week I could see that Cinnamon was declining too much. She had stopped eating (and fought with all her might syringe feeding), she drank and drank plenty of water yet her body failed to absord the sub-q fluids I’d give her, and she was seriously dehydrated. And….the final clue to me that it was her time was that she stopped purring.

I took her in to my vet on Thursday morning to assist her departure from this realm….hoping that she’d go peacefully. Unfortunately that wasn’t to be. The vet had a lot of difficulty in finding a good vein, and the whole time Cinnamon was thrashing her tail, howling and yowling, hissing and spitting at us! At some point a very small amount of the injection did go in, and she finally started relaxing a bit.

Oh, but the look in her eyes! Even though her body was physically ready to leave, her dear spirit wasn’t, and I could see her confusion and broken trust in her eyes. Even after the injection was given, Cinnamon continued to gasp for several moments……I know it was most likely just reflex breathing, but with every gasp my heart shattered over and over.

What I had hoped to be a peaceful graceful departure turned out to be a horrible event, for both me and her. I only hope that she knows I wanted to do what was best for her. It would have been unfair of me to ask her to continue on in her declining condition. She’d gone from 12 pounds to a mere 5 pounds, a skeleton of her former self. I wish I could go back and maybe change things for her……but what’s done is done. Now she is with her grandmom, mom, and brother, chasing butterflies and chomping Cat Chow by the pound. I wish I could get that final look she gave me out of my mind though. When I go to bed I see that look.

Jasmine also has crf, but it’s very early stage and she doesn’t have any other health condition right now complicating things. She’s grieving too I believe right now. Oftentimes she’ll wander around my house meowing loudly, going from room to room, looking all around, then she usually will go jump on my bed and curl up to take a nap. I’m trying to give her more special time, and she loves getting sub-q’s, so I really give her a “love” session while the fluids are running.

Anyway, sorry that this is long…and a bit rambled. If you feel so inclined I’d definitely appreciate it if you would light a candle for my dear Cinnamon…….and pray that she’s found the peace I was hoping for. I miss my girl so much. Thank you.

Rest in peace my sweet orange girl........til we meet again!

Heart wrenching decision

It is with a heavy heart that I tell you this, I lost Tequila, my oldest kitty, today to that ever so dreaded word........cancer.

She was 14 years 9 months old. I've noticed over the past few months that she had been losing a bit of weight, but nothing drastic, so I figured that she was just aging. But about a week ago she started sneezing a lot, in fact, she'd often sneeze as many as 15 times or more right straight in a row. Still, Tequila would do that from time to time because she had allergies......no red flags there.

But, just the day before Christmas I noticed that Tequila had a bit of discharge from her right nostril, I called my vet but they couldn't see her at the time. I didn't worry, I figured that I would get her in to see the vet today...it being the first day they reopened. Over this weekend she developed a swelling in between her eyes, just above the bridge of her nose, and her right eye also started having a bit of discharge. I would have taken her to the ER vet here in town, but seriously, they scare me with their lack of knowledge.

So, I got her in to the vet early this afternoon...the earliest they could squeeze us in. Well, after an exam, bloodwork, xrays, and the other vets all reviewing the results, it was determined that Tequila had cancer.....in one of her lungs (a rather huge mass), a very enlarged heart with a heart murmur (she's NEVER had a murmur before), a severely deviated septum in her nose, and evidence of cancer in at least 3 of her sinuses.

I was/still am devastated! This came from out of the blue! Nothing like what I was expecting for them to say. Since the outcome was so bleak for my dear Tequila, and yes, she was in pain and having difficulty breathing with the stress of being at the vet, I called my husband, told him what they had found, and he came in from work. We talked to her, told her how much we loved her, and then he went home. I stayed, they sedated Tequila and inserted an IV cath. They then brought her to a room where I sat with her for a little while alone, talking to her and telling her that it would all be ok.

Then, when I was ready, the vet gave her a shot of anesthesia to let her go to sleep prior to giving her the euthanasia solution. But, that became unnecessary because she stopped breathing with the anesthesia shot. The vet did go ahead though with the other, I guess it's protocol. While it broke my heart I know that she's at peace now, and that there is no more pain for her.........just for me.

Tequila was brought to the animal hospital where I used to work, just a wee little kitten of about 3 weeks of age, her hind legs paralyzed. The man that brought her to us didn't seem to know what had happened to her, and since he was in too much of a rush to go to work he just filled out her paperwork, said "fix it" and as he walked out the door he said over his shoulder that he'd call us later. He never did. After xrays showed a broken pelvis we knew that nature would heal this little gray kitten's bones, so we waited the manditory time and then declared her as abandoned.

The vet was planning on putting her up for adoption, but before she could the kitten showed signs of having ringworm. Well, that cut it for the vet, she didn't want the kitten staying in the clinic spreading ringworm, so she was going to euthanize her.

I had developed a bond with this little gray ball of fur, as soon as I'd clean her cage she'd tear it up again. Then she'd literally scream at me, wanting to be held so that she could bite and hold my neck. So, when I found out what the vet had planned for her I asked her if I could take her home with me. At first the vet didn't want to allow it, she said "She'll just spread it to your crew"...so I worked out a deal with her. We kept her at the hospital, in 1 cage, for 2 weeks and started treatment for the ringworm. After that I took her home, and no one ever got ringworm from her.

Tequila, I'll always love you sweetie, and although we're no longer together in the physical world, you'll always be in my heart!

With deep sadness and tears flowing.....

Ok, the photo on the right is of the afghan I made for DH. It's in tunisian stitch, the very first one I ever made. It took me almost 2 years to complete it, hey, I never said that I was fast!!! The numbers at the top of it I added myself, they're the years that DE won the points championship. The pattern used to be online, but that particular website has disappeared! I still have to weave in those ends..........those thousands of yarn ends! The photo below is of my dear Angel. She's wearing a sweater I knitted just for her. It's my very first knit item ever!







I first started out knitting it with a pattern from a booklet called "Dog Gone Cute". There was one slight problem though, the largest chest measurement they gave was too small for my dog. So, once I had the pattern underway, I had to fudge here and there for it to fit her properly. Yes, it's a little bit big on her, but I actually wanted it to fit that way. She's a very active dog, and I wanted it to be free so that she could move without it binding her.

It's been a long time............

I'm sorry if there is anyone out there in internet land that may have been wondering why I haven't had anything to say for quite a while. Well, you see, I had this wonderful furry friend, Care Bear, who was a diabetic kitty. He was born here many years ago, and lived here with his two sisters. Unfortunately, he became very sick back towards the end of March. I thought he had a simple urinary tract infection, as diabetics are very prone to this. While a course of antibiotics seemed to put things right, once he came off them he got sick again. We extended his antibiotics, and he started feeling VERY well! But again, once he came off them he got sick yet again. This time, however, things really started looking bad, and so I had bloodwork drawn. It showed severe anemia, elevated liver enzymes, and severe pancreatitis. I knew that something horrible was going on, as he showed no signs at all of pancreatitis. The following week I had an ultrasound done on him, and while it did show a severely enlarged liver, they couldn't view his pancreas well. Much to my dismay, he slowly got worse and worse. I syringe fed him and gave him subq fluids to try and wait this out. But, on the evening of April 20th (a day I'll always remember!) he suddenly grew very worse. Within just 20 minutes he developed sudden heart failure and severe respiratory distress. I had no choice, I called my vet at his home and met him at the clinic. We decided that the best thing for Care Bear was to relieve him from his suffering. You've got to understand just how much I loved this dear kitty to know how deep my pain is, even still. He was just 10 years old, a young kitty by all rights...........and this just wasn't fair. God, how I miss my boy. It's been so hard for me, to have no schedule now for him, to have simply free time now. I wish, I pray, that he understand why I chose as I did. To see him so sick, and to know that there wasn't anything I could do to help him feel better, it literally shredded my heart to pieces. I'd have given anything to have "fixed" this. At least the last thing he felt was the kindness of my own hands, to hear only my voice as he passed from this world. Oh, how I hated to have to make that final decision for him. But.........life goes on. And, I can only hope that my life shall too go on. For now, everything has been put on hold while I try and manage this grief. If you've read this so far, I thank you.

Bless you, my dear little boy. I'll always miss you, and I hope that you can find it within your heart to forgive me of the choice I made for you. You touched my soul, dear Care Bear, and for that, I'll be ever eternally grateful. Rest well.

More background adventures

Anyway, as I was saying, after that "colorful" granny square afghan, I eventually made another crocheted afghan, this time in a ripple pattern. Since I didn't have much of a budget at that time (I was just 12 or 13 at the time, and was delivering the newspaper door-to-door) I used whatever colors I could get my ink-stained hands upon. I still have it, somewhere in this house, although where is a good question.

After that one I went quite a few years without giving yarn or projects much thought. I'm not sure why, but I'm guessing that life just got in the way for a while.

Then suddenly one day I decided that I would make an afghan for my MIL for Christmas. I actually started it just after Christmas, planning it for the next one! I worked on this one throughout the year, and it came out nicely. A real simple one of 8 rows of teal and 8 rows of white, just using alternating sc and dc. The alternating stitches gave it a bit of texture. I added fringe to 3 sides, using both colors. Best thing was.......she really liked it! This was back in 1990, and she still uses it when it's chilly outside. :-)

Ok, after that success, I decided to make another one for a friend in Canada. This one was made with squares of 16 rows teal, 8 rows beige, and 8 rows black. They're straight rows (not granny square-type) . I then put them together to form a windmill pattern. This one also used the alternating stitches for texture. Unfortunately it took a bit longer to complete than I'd anticipated, but hey, he DID get it for Christmas, just not the one I had intended it for! LOL! (I had pictures of this one somewhere, but I can't find them now. If I ever do find them, I'll post them here.)

I'm currently making one for my husband, in tunisian stitch. It's a Dale Earnhardt Sr one which I've modified a bit. This one can be found online, I just have a hard time finding the link. What I changed was I added more rows to it to make the "picture" part lie facing towards the end of the bed rather than the side, and I've also added in (at the top of the ghan) the years that Dale won the championship. I haven't completed it yet, but I will real soon! When it's finished I'll post a picture of it here.

Also, I'm trying to learn how to knit now too. My mom tried to teach me to knit years ago, but trying to handle two needles and the yarn was just too confusing to me at that time. So instead, she taught me basic crochet. I've joined a knit-along online, and will be making a simple sweater for my very first knit project. I'm looking forward to knitting.....I absolutely love cables and such!

Mere Beginnings

I'm new to this, but I'm going to give it a try, a way to keep an ongoing journal of my adventure with yarn. I started crocheting when I was about 11 years old, making a saddle pad for my horse. It was a simple ripple pattern, folded over and stitched up with a thick piece of foam in the middle. Well, it worked, but it was hard to keep it clean. I believe I still have it, somewhere up in my attic......it's over 30 years old now!

My second project was a granny square afghan. I made it in lime green, dark blue, bright orange, and chocolate brown. The colors, even though they sort of clash, did work out ok with each other. I still have that too, even though it's in sad shape now.

More later...........